In Cebu...

My mentor tapped my back and showed me an envelope..."Kid get yourself a vacation...far away from pain...you deserve a break..I will be going to the mountain region..to do some re-connecting with the past and help the young people there...see you labor day..." and so it was a ticket bound for Cebu... 2 weeks with my family, old friends and the hoodlooms that I use to mingle with. It is better in Cebu, I can sigh, I can laugh and I can move freely...maybe because there is the fact that I am at a distance away from him, away from the doubts, away from the pretending, away from the trauma of catching him surfing PR....away from the fact that aside from caring for somebody else's heart by own heart was slowly and painfully wounded...

I thought it was easy as this, free from time to time...but everytime I surf the internet to read some blogs, I am so tempted to create my own PR account and catch him red handed and on site...but who am I fooling, catching a guilty thief just to be hurt inside...thats a stupid move..my mom opened my very old cabinet which I have not touched for years, she took an old 1998 album of Lauren Hill..and then heavens was playing their painful turtor on me again..because while I was thinking of him...the song was "killing me softly" I smiled to the tune while my mother smiled at me with her motherly gesture, she might be thinking that I have recalled my past but in reality....I am recalling of the old days with him

and as the lyrics goes:

"I felt all flushed with fever

Embarrassed by the crowd

I felt he found my letters

And read each one out loud

I prayed that he would finish

But he just kept right on"

I started to feel sad, was I pretending all the time that he loves me? then my mobile phone beeps..it was Sir G:

"My ass hurts, I feel off a 90 degrees slope....the weather is cool in La Trinidad and I will be devouring all the fruits in front of my path...how is Cebu? can you go to my mama's house and tell ma to give you my tool box? I will fix the skateboard...." and then another beep..and it was him: "Hi...miss na kita...when ka uwi? I love you"...and the sequences of confusion went inside my head... a mixture of happiness and sadness, pain and joy..hate and love, doubt and trust..yes I love him... I need him so so much..but there are sometimes how I wish I can give him a taste of his own medicine...