When the Mentee Becomes The Mentor

He did not told me he will be visiting Cebu, always as he is the stubborn and silent man. I always look up to him as someone brave but at the same time fragile as well. He slept on his bed for two days without waking up and four bags of type O+ blood have been given to him (thanks to one of my friend who knows someone from RC). He looks like an octopus with all the plastic tubes surrounding him, As I stand behind the glass wall to watch him sleep a very good and sound sleep, I cannot manage to help but laugh sometimes: "The man who mentored me sometimes does not use his brain." He told me to be very critical in everything but look at him now, I know he do things which he think is right and defending that girl form those hoodlooms without first calling the cops or even calling me so that I can take a piece of the action was both a stupid and a right move.

An unsung hero, but sometimes crazy. He was outnumbered 7 to 1, on day 2 around 3 pm he woke up and he saw me. I know he was shock because he cannot move and worse he cannot talk, he just gave me a very scary look, like a monster ready to attack. The nurse came in and settled him down, I cannot hear what she is talking to him but I know by his facial expression he was shocked. Then he continued to stare at me, 2 hours later, he can move the fingers of his right hand and guess what he just gave me one of the best thank you signs in the world, his middle finger. I waved my hand and decided to go home and visit him the next day.

Day 3, his room was noisy he was yelling about where is his mobile phone, "Oh I am really gonna choke you dead if you can't bring me my mobile" he yelled at the nurse, the doctor came in, crossed his hand and said something that made him behave. He can move his right arm now and his legs, he can roll around his ICU bed and shout...I came to him and he said to me "Kid, you know how scared I am of the hospital! Give your mentor a favor and get me out here!" I smiled at him "sorry sir NO CAN DO." I said, and he was furious,,"JERK I AM SO GONNA TWIST YOUR NECK!" he said to me..deep inside I am happy, seeing him like a little boy strapped on a bed and at the same time doing my revenge...vengeance is served!

GET WELL SOON BOSS! Your a brave man!

The First Case of Infidelity

"Kid I am going to back to Bangkok next week, I might not be here when you come back, your partner is now well behave he must have seen your value now that you are gone, we talked a lot about you and how stupid you are, well I still believe you are a heavier idiot than me..." I skim through my mentor's email. But today was a different day he buzzed me in our personal emails.

"Oi, kid have you received my email?" he said, with a emoticon that looks like an angry father.

"Yes sir I did" I replied, "Well then off I go to my kingdom, I love it Thailand is like a tuk tuk ride away...Okay now you take care over there kid...be sure to play it safe."

I shove his "be sure to play it safe", I know I will be faithful. I went to the #Bi-cebu channel of mirc and found so many people there some old friends, some old sex mates and some new ones and a handful of virgins who wants to have their experience. my name was -=TAKEN=-, as I commonly used in mirc since last 2003. Then there was a buzz, from newboy, then from there our conversation moved on. newboy is 16 years old, he is an incoming college student in a prestigious school and coming form a very well off family. We introduced ourselves the normal way, two online strangers exchanging information. Then he cracked a joke in which I laughed. "Hey you have a good sense of humor." I complimented, "I do?" he said, "Hey I will be going to Starbucks Ayala, wanna meet up? I will treat you there don't worry my treat." He said.

"I am so sorry, but I think I should not." I said but deep inside honestly I want to meet him, its just this thing I have inside that if I do meet him I am doing philandering against my partner.

I remember what G said to me "Be conscious of the things around you, be aware. It is not that I am stopping you from having sex with someone outside your relationship it is still your choice. Playing divine kid is not an act of a mortal being, temptation is strong especially at the wee hours of the evening. Always be careful in the night, the dark is not to be trusted but nonetheless, if it wills you then do it but you must be prepared with its consequences."

"Honestly, I have a partner, I should be here chatting with you." I said. "Where is your partner?" he replied, "He is Manila right now." "LOL! Come on let's meet its not like we are going to do something, anyway your partner is not here and ofcourse you wont tell him we met right?" By the way that he said I am convinced to go and meet him. yeah newboy is right my partner is not here so he wont know that I am going out to meet someone and ofcourse he is right I wont tell my partner that I am meeting with someone.

"Okay, I will give you my number." I said, we exchange numbers and told each other what we are wearing. I am wearing a red t-shirt and a basketball shorts with number 23 while he is wearing blue tshirt with a super mario print on it. Then the time was set 7:30 pm Starbucks Ayala.

I went there around 7:25, he texted me that he will be late for around 30 minutes more, well what can I do I said to myself I am here why not wait. Then 8:00 pm he texted me to look outside and look for an Audy car with the plate number "XXX-XXX". Then I saw him waved his hand, he drove his wheels to the parking lot while I waited in the cafe. After that he manage to buy us the most expensive drinks in Starbucks and a cake worth Php.2,000.00. I never expect that I will meet up with a very handsome, rich young man. It was like someone from the royalty dated me. G will be so jealous if he knows that I manage to taste that Php. 2,000.00 worth cake he was talking about.

It was a long and interesting talk then around 11:30 pm I told newboy I must go home. He said "Why go home?" There was something the way he said it to me, a hidden message that is so familiar to me. "Why?" I asked. "I wanted to show you my house, it's just near your place." He said, "Where?" I asked, "ML Village", then I was stunned, the village of the rich. Then there was the flash back of all the meet ups I have long time ago, of the alibi's of going to their house just to talk or drink but I know it will always end on the bed. Indeed G was again right, temptation is strong and I am not divine resist the fact that sex is a part of being mortal, as he always say to me its just common sense.

Half of me wants to go with him (mainly because I will be fucking a young handsome guy) but a part of me said no (because he is young and I should not mud him with all these bad influence). But I fell into temptation, I found myself in his car, we stopped over Foodland in Banilad to buy some Johnny Walker, "at least I will end up drunk, and if ever my partner knows about this I have an alibi that I got drunk and found myself in another person's bed."

His house was big, a mansion with two pools, an electric gate. He has house servants quarters residing a few feet away from his house. "My parents are always not at home." He said, "What about your siblings?" I asked "My brother in Singapore right now working my sister is in France taking up medicine." We went into his room which for me is a smaller house within a house complete with a living room, a separate kitchen a small wine bar and a jacuzzi.

There we sat down, talked, played wii, and just enjoyed the night. I guess I am wrong, we are just here for clean fun, so we enjoyed the night like two brothers fooling around. 4:00 am striked and we are both tired and drunk. We jumped into his bed, but before we could close our eyes, I felt something rushing down, his hands...are there on my prick. I can't deny the fact that I love it, He caresses it. Then I said what else can I do, I am here with him better give everything to what he wants. Yes, we did it. I fuck a boy 10 years younger than me. I should say it is fun, I enjoyed the heat and the friction, we do it from one climax to another, we both don't want to stop what we are doing. We kissed and we have sex.

We woke up very late in the afternoon, around 4:30 pm, I really need to go home I said. He drove me home into the village just a few blocks from his village. When I went home, G was then again right, I felt the guilt inside of me, who am I fooling that I have sex with another man when in fact I can have sex with my own partner, now I am so ruined...but I think he wont know I will just keep it to myself, not unless when somebody will tell my partner what I did... :(

In Cebu...

My mentor tapped my back and showed me an envelope..."Kid get yourself a vacation...far away from pain...you deserve a break..I will be going to the mountain region..to do some re-connecting with the past and help the young people there...see you labor day..." and so it was a ticket bound for Cebu... 2 weeks with my family, old friends and the hoodlooms that I use to mingle with. It is better in Cebu, I can sigh, I can laugh and I can move freely...maybe because there is the fact that I am at a distance away from him, away from the doubts, away from the pretending, away from the trauma of catching him surfing PR....away from the fact that aside from caring for somebody else's heart by own heart was slowly and painfully wounded...

I thought it was easy as this, free from time to time...but everytime I surf the internet to read some blogs, I am so tempted to create my own PR account and catch him red handed and on site...but who am I fooling, catching a guilty thief just to be hurt inside...thats a stupid move..my mom opened my very old cabinet which I have not touched for years, she took an old 1998 album of Lauren Hill..and then heavens was playing their painful turtor on me again..because while I was thinking of him...the song was "killing me softly" I smiled to the tune while my mother smiled at me with her motherly gesture, she might be thinking that I have recalled my past but in reality....I am recalling of the old days with him

and as the lyrics goes:

"I felt all flushed with fever

Embarrassed by the crowd

I felt he found my letters

And read each one out loud

I prayed that he would finish

But he just kept right on"

I started to feel sad, was I pretending all the time that he loves me? then my mobile phone beeps..it was Sir G:

"My ass hurts, I feel off a 90 degrees slope....the weather is cool in La Trinidad and I will be devouring all the fruits in front of my path...how is Cebu? can you go to my mama's house and tell ma to give you my tool box? I will fix the skateboard...." and then another beep..and it was him: "Hi...miss na kita...when ka uwi? I love you"...and the sequences of confusion went inside my head... a mixture of happiness and sadness, pain and joy..hate and love, doubt and trust..yes I love him... I need him so so much..but there are sometimes how I wish I can give him a taste of his own medicine...

Caught Him Again!

He was inside our room, when I burst in looking for my mobile phone, then I saw him quickly minimizing PR, I pretend not to see. So I did what I have to and pretend that he was just typing his report. I could not help but rush to the other room, take a deep breath and sigh. My mentors was there too debating on how to do the proposal (again for the very big funding from USA). They look at me as if I am going crazy. "Kid, GET OUT!" Sir G screamed, you don't belong here. But my mind was so blank and my feet so numb by the intense confusion inside me. "Bakit ba siya nag PPR? Nandito naman ako...(why is he surfing PR when he knows he has a partner?)"All I can do is stare at the ceiling blankly, "Get Out!" Sir G shove me out the door, "I dunno what your thinking kid but you have to fix your own mess! I have my own bullshit to fix too...so fuck off!" he yelled..

I left the big apartment, walking the streets until I found myself in Roxas Boulevard. But deep within my heart I keep asking "Why?", "Please can anyone clarify me, why? Is it normal for someone with a partner to surf on PR?" Three days ago I found three pieces of condoms in his pockets while it was hanged on the wall, now he placed password in his loptop.....is it time to say "quits"? Is it time to say "Thats it I give up"? or shall I hold on in the hopes that he will succumb back to me? I am so confused right now. I stood at Baywalk, as cars pass me by, I watch the sky and stare at the stars..."Life, why are you so hard to understand? What do you really want from me? I can't understand your signs, and I cant interpret your symbols, when can you show me kindness?"

All I want is to be happy, to love and be loved in return, to give emphasis on how meaningful life is when you have someone to hold on, someone to touch, someone to hug under the full moon night. Someone who corrects your mistakes and kiss you afterwards.....all I want is to be happy...

Preparation for Farewell

Bangkok ,Thailand and Sir G was in the next session hall; I can hear his voice arguing with some "Blue" people. They say that he is like his mentor, factual, tough, vulgar, strong. Anyone who dares to stand in front of him will surely be crushed. But before he went to Bangkok, he went to a clash with the high officers of his job. He feel weak, worthless and numb. I look at him in the midst of the battle, he is not him. The vibrant shadows of his eyes was cold and grey, he could not speak and he just went outside and left. That moment that they slammed the door into his face was the day that the world opened up to him. Many offers was made here and abroad.

3 days before the UNGASS, he got back to himself, he received calls from New York, Myanmar, Bangkok, Tokyo, Brussels, Luxembourg, London.....I could say he is one of the "well known" young minds in the field of public health. I smiled "Aba, sir sikat ah!" (Sir your popular), he stood up and sigh, tapped my back "Kid, I think it is time for me to leave, I am of no use in my country anymore..." and my smiled fade, he was like a brother to me, and the moment he will leave will be the time that I will also stop blogging my life. He is the one who told me that blogging will divert my attention and will relieve my stress. But he promised me that when I stop blogging he will be the one who will start to blog so that the legacy will continue.

"Come" he told me, "I will show you something and pointed to Pasig River...you see kid the only constant thing in this world is change and those who refuse to evolve in the ever changing dynamics of life will be left behind. The world is a big place and that is why we have eyes in front of our heads because we are expected to move forward not backwards. Tomorrow is always uncertain, but it is this uncertainty that we are motivated to go forward. The fear of the unknown is so small compared to the courage of hope to step into the unchartered territories. Do not go to the trail already laid to you but rather walk the path less traveled and make a trail there."

"Where do you plan to go?" I asked him, Sir G just smiled and said "To where I am needed, to where I can contribute and grow. To where the wind and my feet well take me, somewhere...", I rolled my eyes, he is always like that always as mysterious. "Kid, you have a long way to go from now on. Time for you to stand on your two feet, the moment you step there with me to that meeting in Bangkok, is the day you will make foot prints in the pages of history." and walking in the pages of history I did, I went into a debate with other people too.

He told me again "When the world you are staying at is getting smaller and smaller by the day and it becomes more familiar and particular everyday, its the day where you also need to step forward to the unchartered world. There is what we call the time of exploration kid, only settle down when the sky above you becomes blue and the sunrise becomes lovely, otherwise the world has set something for you out there. You already have a place here on this life all you need to do is set on the journey to find that."

The moment Sir G will travel again, I think will be the day that I will start to stop hiding in his shadows, I don't have someone to run now...like he said "I need to grow"....

Sometimes....

Sometimes in a relationship, there is no need to blame your partner because your relationship falters down, there is no need to point to your partner and say “It’s your entire fault why our relationship broke down!”, because most of the time we fail to acknowledge our own fault why a relationship ends, this is what I learn last Sunday at 3:00 am. My mentor was wide awake looking outside the rainy window. “Sir, not sleepy yet?”, he did not replied. I ignored his stubbornness, he is always like that but then again I saw empty bottles of gin and vodka, and I saw he is holding one more half-empty bottle. “Sir, is there something wrong?” still no reply. Then I start to wonder why, I texted his “Xian Lim” and also no reply. I manage to see his mobile phone and he seems to forget to shut it and so due to my curiosity I sneak a peek and there it was I saw:

“I deserve someone better than you and so do you, I am setting you free GOOD BYE!”

I tried to comfort him saying that he does not deserve him, that he was more greater if he has someone else wrapped around his arms. He laughed at me, “Kid you’re the 100^th person that tried to comfort me, no need to do that.”, he took a glass poured a small amount and passed it to me “Cheers for my stupidity, for being so busy and for being blinded by my work.” I smiled and replied “Hats off to that sir, seems you’re not much as great as I am now.” I went outside and sneaked into his loptop, but I saw I in his facebook chat:

“I am sorry my Xian Lim, I acknowledge my fault on not focusing too much on you, I am so sorry but if you’re happy with your decision then I am happy too. I apologize for my mistakes, if you deserve someone better than me then I think I won’t run after you.”

“Sometimes some people are so tired of chasing other people, sometimes one has just to slow down and walk and let the other person run away from your grasp. Chivalry is dead kid, I am tired, I am not sad, I am just tired and wasted. I have to move forward now, there is no reason to cry over spilled milk, I am not drunk to be sober, I am just celebrating a love that is lost but yet treasured. Amidst the sorrow of losing someone is a happiness to be celebrated that at least somehow there was love even if for a short while.” he said. And so lesson learned, sometimes people don’t get sad or sober when they broke up, they are just celebrating a lost treasure worthy to be lost in time and space, without expecting to be seen again, and just letting it be lost.

There are Just some people

There are just some idiots who cannot shut up, they have the body but they also have the smallest brain..... ryt >:)