Loving Someone (Living with HIV): The Drama Nights (A sequel)

It was midnight, we just got home from Alex's house (Remember dying young? the 18 year old boy living with HIV, we regard him as our mother). We just slept 3 hours during the whole day because we were the organizers of our leadership conference. "I am not feeling well" he said to me, I just ignored his words and thinking its just a fever that would just pass by. I went out to buy us food for our dinner and some medicine to lower down his temperature. He SMS me thrice telling me to get home as quick as I can, but since the dinner was delayed behind the cafeteria kitchen I have to wait for 30 minutes more.

When I went inside the door, I noticed him covered in blanket, "SHIT! your temperature is HIGH!" I said, He shove off my hands and said "Go AWAY! I don't need you". At that moment I panicked, my mind was clouded, I could not think what to do, I called Alex and told me all he need is a dose of medicine. But still I was blinded I don't know what to do the only thing that came into my mind was to hug him real tight, he cried. I can feel his tears flowing on my arms "Why did God do this to me? What have I done wrong?" He asked me. I could not answer his question all I can do was to cry with him. I feel worthless at that moment, I don't know what to do and I don't know what to say:I just cried.

I felt that I am responsible for his miseries because I was not there when he experienced the pain. I hug him real tight and I blame myself for his situation now. I asked God how could he be so cold and unfair. Right there I contested His divinity, to take my life for the life of my partner. Stop his pain for the price of my soul. But no answer, I just cried and wished that if I could only find a way to make him feel better.

But in the course of that painful night I learned one thing, I learn to value that crying is a form of consolation. I learn that to share one's pain is one way to show that you love someone. I learn that pain makes us humans and it makes us realize that we are not perfect, yet it is through pain that we realize that we should strive to live and move forward. Pain is not there to inflict us with sorrow, it is there to make us realize that sometimes we need a little drama to know that we love someone.

Falling Inlove With Someone (Living with HIV), the sequel to falling inlove with someone..

The moment I confirmed he has the condition, I fall to pieces. Yes, I cried hiding from his sight. I cried not because he has the condition, I cried because I was not there to stop him from contracting it, for three days I blamed myself for not being there for him during the first few days of his new life. I wallow, and self pity, but as I look at him living each life every moment I learn to follow him: Live Life to the Fullest. Every night as I lay beside him I tell a little star in the dark sky for a bargain, my life for his life. I am willing to give up my soul just to save his life. In the morning I manage to wake up before him to see the sunlight reflects on his white skin. A beautiful glow from a magnificent creature, far more gallant than the unicorn, far more majestic than the phoenix, yet far more delicate than the petal of the rarest orchid.

I know the consequence of loving him, I know the ignorance of the society around us will try to tear what we have. That is why I need to stand not for him but for us. I need to defend not only his rights but our rights as one person. Yes, I will experience many persecution from the community around me, but I pity them for they do not understand the magic that binds me and him as one. This is the force that will protect as, as long as I am holding his hands and as long as he is holding mine, I will urge him to walk with me to the horizon. I will shield him along the way, I will shield him against the pointing fingers, I will protect him form the belittling words, I will stand up for us. Yes, the odds maybe great yet I know that with "us" together, we can turn the tides around. Remember how small was Daniel when he toppled down the titan Goliath.

In the battle of our ancestors there is one thing that I learn: "Move forward against the odds, for if you already know that odds are against you then you have the greatest chance of preparing for battle". There is hope, it is the greatest gift that the heavens have blessed men. We need to use it well, for if all things fail only hope can give us the gift of sanity and the courage to face tomorrow. In the process of my life when I confirmed his condition, I learn to value every moment of us being together, I learn to accept the blessings of what love can offer every second. As I close my eyes as he kisses me, as his soft wet lips patted my barren dry lips, I can feel the sensation of happiness. So much happiness I can't help but to shed a little tear. The world seems to stop!

I learn to appreciate life because of him, how laughter heals sickness, how silence can tell so much about us being together, how a simple holding of a hand can make a difference in this cold and harsh world. He made me feel human, he made me feel alive. Alive more than before...But most of all I treasure how we valued each other not only as a human being but as creation of the universe that needs to love and be loved in return.

To you my dear partner "I LOVE YOU..."